Hurry, listen to me.

We watched the Bridge to Terabithia, and besides the ridiculous commentary, I remembered most of the book, when I read it.
The story shredded my feelings for the tonight, not too super-emo about it, but I always put myself in the protagonist's shoes.
So what if she didn't die? They'd be the happy couple, of course they would, too easy. Just like in the Lion KIng when his dad dies, it just seems that everyone gets off to that.
I still feel like hot garbage.

Thoughts cloud my speech. I couldn't pick all of what I want to type if my mind was a tree and the thoughts were the apples. So it seems as if grabbing whats in front of you is harder than it seems. Harder than you think. I'm brainwashed.

I still don't know shit about you, but I adore you. The little things, I want to know it all.

I'm just glad tomorrow is Friday, another weekend, and another resting point.


How ya gonna kick it? Kick it root down.

“The truth of the matter is that I don't value myself much. When I get compliments, instead of taking them at face value and just accepting it as a compliment, I immediately start trying to read into what was meant by the person...... even when the compliment given is the highest compliment you can receive: ‘I love you’. What are they trying to get out of me? Were they just being polite? Are they saying that so they don't hurt my feelings? I've been told ‘I love you’ by a couple girls and was not convinced that it was the truth. But, there have been a couple times when a girl has told me ‘I love you’ and I was able to believe it and know that she meant it. And that is the most amazing thing that can happen.” Taken in Travelers Rest, SC, USA.







Life is full of quotes. And I really couldn't explain love to you, because I don't really even know it. I thought I did, sometimes. I'll just keep looking.
Money isn't real, It only seems like it. I understand that.

May the wind always be at your back and the sun upon your face and may the wings of destiny carry you aloft to dance with the stars.


HAPPY V-DAY EVERYONE.

I feel like dirt rained over dirt.

SICK

is changing from winter back to autumn, the sudden change makes my allergies appear. Of course, It could be from jumping in the frozen lake. I've been talking to certain people, all of whom are connected. People I might have been on and off with, I want to know them better, know why I didn't get to know them better the first time.

I swing from one to another personality.
Where are my test point leads, what am I testing?

"18 AND YOUNGER!" Yelled the guy on the big podium.
I rushed to the front like a little kid.
Waters followed me up to make sure I got through.
I jumped into Lake Michigan with little icicles and pieces of glass still floating in it.
Stress, agony, anger, frustration washed frozen clean.
I was going through shock, but I made it out.
"HEY! SLOW DOWN!" Said the guy chauffeuring people out of the water like some sort of savior,
then handed me the membership card.

I was dirty then I was clean.
And I then napped the day away.

Which no one does, unless they hide it.
I've been watching movies, some of which remind me of what love might feel like.
Sadness swells through my soul.

I see art, in everything I do.
Stories, paragraphs, sentences, words, letters, sounds, noise.
Mihail is getting married in two weeks, the four day weekend, I think I'm gonna go with him. Right after school, dress blues, wedding, party.
A punk rock wedding, he explains it: "We're just gonna do it."
I watched My Best Friend's Girl, good movie.

I then reconciled;
What am I going to be? I ask my self, a question that comes up more and more often.
I'm going to quit playing WoW.
I'm going to play guitar more.
I'm going to become social again.
Seclusion no more,
Drinking, Smoking.


Whats up.

Here it goes:

Got it, went to the hotel.
Drank, walked to Flanagan's.
Told the waitress our ages, she still brought us alcohol.
Went back and drank more.
Went to the movies and saw Underworld 3.
Went back and drank more.
Woke up to people having sex in the next room over.

Gotta love life.

From FC1 making me do push-ups yesterday.
Oh well, smashing of my brain cells commence in 7 hours.

Let's get fucked up and die.
So I was taking Radar 2 in the hot environment that the testing room and Baird passes out. She got sent to the VA and SIQ for two days, so she won't be at school today. We were supposed to go to the movies, but I don't know if that's gonna happen.
Grajales says we're gonna get smashed this weekend, so I believe him.
I keep remembering past memories, like little things smells, tastes. Abnormal sensitive senses I don't use especially.
I pray more and more everyday, I do alot better.

I dreamt, and I saw that beautiful princess in that blue dress, the same one from prom.
I look at her, eye to eye in the middle of the crowd.
At that point I loved her, I was jealous.
Envy consumed me as I heard the raspy voice of the music as I sang along.

Is gone, I'm tired of that crap, passed with a 77.
Now I'm on RADAR II, SPS-67, it's way too easy.
I can see the light at the end of this hell.

I miss home still, I miss sleep.
I still have the same feelings about the same people.

I don't remember what 5-day weeks are, don't make me remember.

How could you hate your own birthday? Or, be the opposite and tell everyone and shout it to the world for relief?

I have a headache, I think I'll take some asprin and go eat.

I'll tell you what I love.
SLEEP.

My favorite part of the day is going to sleep, my least favorite is waking up.
The strongest person isn't the one who is strong, the person who endures the most is.
If someone comes in your room to tell you, you're wrong, well.. that's just not right.

Thanks for enduring, not too much longer.

To get me out of school faster, woo.
I'm so almost done!

Mihail and I are playing at Hot Topic, an acoustic.

I'm so tired, things worked out well tonight. And I have one of the hardest tests tomorrow, the last hard test, SPA-56.

Pray for me!

I went to school to hear FC2 ramble on and do a 2-hour stand-up comedy act. The kind of stories that about after 30-minutes is just getting irritating.

I began to think more openly, I shut my mouth for the entire day and thought to myself, every action that went on. Everyone kept asking, "What's wrong?"



My youth minister's wife put this on his wedding band:

Ruth 1:16-17 "But Ruth replied:
Do not persuade me to leave you
or go back and not follow you.
For wherever you go, I will go,
and wherever you live, I will live;
your people will be my people,
and your GOD will be my GOD.
Where you die, I will die,
and there I will be buried.
May the LORD do this to me,
and even more,
if anything but death separates you and me.


I can't believe what happened to them, even now.

Psalm 61:1-3 :
God, hear my cry;
pay attention to my prayer.
I call to You from ends of the earth
when my heart is without strength.
Lead me to a rock that is
high above me,
for you have been in the face of the enemy
I will live in Your tent forever
and take refuge under the shelter of Your wings.

I begin to think my mom is the only one obsessed about me.

My dream starts as is:

I remember trying to climb to my room, it was like a play-place-wall-climber sort of thing, I never got to it.
I remember this old lady asking us if we wanted frosties from Wendy's and me being the only one to go with her to get them
I remember sitting by this big guy playing on a classical guitar with colorful strings and him playing the song as if he just learned it, not perfect.

I'm still waiting for things, I guess..